Sex and the Black Girl or On Being a Black Submissive
Ty Wolfe © 2003

It's amazing the things that flit through our minds, and the thought processes that can be set into motion through simple intelligent conversation. I decided to write this after a conversation with a friend of mine, a very vanilla friend, who is well aware of my lifestyle choices. We were speaking of the psychological views of black women. We work in an environment that is very "white" america, wriddled with many misconceptions, the majority of those being very wrong. The same can be said about black submissives, can the two really go together? Being a black american woman and submissive, according to some can't or doesn't go together. Those that think we don't exist, I'm here to let you know that we do, and perhaps on a larger scale than is realized.

The Dichotomy of The Black Sub

One of my favorite things to do when I chat is to find the black domination channels. Primarily, because I'm always interested in meeting black dominants and submissives. In my opinion, these rooms are where I have seen the most misconceptions realized. "Master says that there aren't many black subs, cause a black woman would not take this.." I'm still not sure what "this" is, but if it's anything like the way I've seen some of those subs treated in those rooms then Master was absolutely right, I personally wouldn't take that.
Historically, black women are anything but submissive, or so it may seem to someone looking from the outside in. The view is a lot different from the inside. As the mother, the lover, and the friend, the black woman is and has always been the focal point of the family. She is the foundation and strength of her family. In a lot of cases through the years, there have been a larger amount of single parent homes, where we are both the mother and the father. It can be hard for anyone, but the strength to take what she has been given and do the best she can is from breeding. This is the one true inheritance that we have. Strength and endurance have been instilled since even before the existence of nonconsensual slavery. I wonder if it is this strength that makes some believe that we could never truly submit? It has always been my belief that what makes it possible for anyone to submit was this strength. Underneath, is a vein of strength that allows each one of us to submit willfully and joyfully. I respect that strength in anyone who has choosen to walk this path of submission, and I think it is unfair to use it as a means to depreciate or downplay our submission as black women to that of other submissives.
Black women are passionate, loyal, compassionate, highly erotic and believe it or not, very submissive. She will take care of her man, take care of her family, take care of his home and bare his children. Treat her right and take care of her and she will give the same in return. She will do her best to please her partner , to insure that they are always happy. I would say that this is the same with any woman, lifestyle or not. Black women may be fiesty and playful, but does that limit the level of our ability to submit if we choose to do so? I don't really see how it can, it hasn't for me, and I don't see it being a problem in the future.

Where Do I Fall?

It was brought to my attention by a friend that according to some psychological studies that there are only two distinctive personality traits for black women. I personally, have never come across these studies, even in my studies in psychology in school. I wouldn't doubt the truth of this and I find the possible existence of such a study interesting. I think that perhaps these are the personalities that exist in the minds of many people today. It certainly does exist in how black women are portrayed in the entertainment industry. I offer the two personalites here for you to form your own opinions.

The "Aunt Jemima"
The very safe, asexual, "honey" and "sugar" aunt jemima. Typically she is overweight, and not seen as sexy. She is very unthreatening, always sweet and nice, and nurturing to everyone.

The "Lolita"
The oversexed, exotic, lolita. She is seen as very threatening, sexy, seductive. Typically, she is very well proportioned, and uses her body or the possibility of her body as a means to get what she wants. She is seen as very unsafe and immoral. The label bitch with an attitude is one that she is said to carry.

Personally, I think that these classifications are rather ridiculous. Primarily because you can't classify someone's personality based on body image nor in my opinion on the way that they interact with people. Secondly, according to these classifications there is no "in between"
I don't think that anyone can define who or what someone is, because we are all different and have certain personality traits that are unique to only us.
The one question that came to mind, was where do I fall as a black woman who is submissive?
This is just food for thought, I don't have a right or wrong answer, I can only do what is right for me, and that is what I know.

My Views On Being a Black Submissive

I'm often asked if the "whiteness" of the lifestyle bothers me. I would have to honestly say no. i don't expect to be treated differently, even though that sometimes does happen. I'm not different than the next submissive of any race. I feel that we all have one thing in common. We all share the same common goal, to submit. Despite the normal failings of human nature, I think that most in this lifestyle can be pretty accepting. I don't expect anything like affirmative action for black submissives or anything silly like that. There have been many that have kind of slapped me in the face with their misconceptions and ideas of who or what they think that I am. I know that a lot, both dominant and submissive think that black women are too bossy or have too much of an attitude. Perhaps, that could very well be the case, but is that really race specific? I don't think so, I've seen people say and do things that have made me cringe.
I am strong willed, opinionated, and perhaps a bit fiesty. I don't believe that I fit any specific submissive model. I don't even know if such a thing exists. This is who and what I am, what I choose to be. When I chose to pursue this lifestyle actively, my race wasn't something that I really thought about. I didn't know of nor anticipate the lack of other black submissives, it's not really detrimental to my existence here. I've been invited to join groups that actually are geared more toward black dominants and submissives, so we are out there, and in a large number even if it's not always so visual. This lifestyle is still rather taboo in our culture, it's simply seen as something that "we" don't do, there is no other explanation offered other than that.This became unacceptable for me, so I made the decision to live my life for me, and the way that has and still does bring me joy, even in the good and bad times. I do sometimes wish for a more colorful outlook of the lifestyle, but all good things come in time right? This is my path, and I choose to continue to walk it. I hope that my thoughts may give others some insight into how it can be for someone who is perceived as different. I've found that it's usually others that can't handle me, or are bothered moreso than I am, why I have no idea. Perhaps it will remain one of life's great mysteries....