Loneliness
Written by Sir DeClaw and his late loved Sandra DeClaw

Loneliness, let's talk loneliness. Loneliness ... is this something a man or woman is placed on this earth to feel and be a part of? 'If so, why is it so painful?' Why is there a such a void inside when it's felt? Why is it we do not want to be alone? And when we are alone, in many ways we are miserable, seeking any companionship whether it is of the same sex or the opposite. Does intimacy remove loneliness or does being complete within self remove it? Loneliness seems to eat away at the spirit and soul slowly. It takes one's spirit and eats at one's soul, mangling relentlessly as if without a care. It's like a stalker, cornering one, coming when least expected, knocking on the door reminding one that it still exists, making it's presence known. No amount of company filled with laughter or conversation can remove this overwhelming feeling. One must seek out his/her own voids and fill them with comfort coming from the heart, ''ONE'S OWN HEART''. Or part of you ends up like the leech, sucking to live your life only through another; always in darkness, cold to your own touch, howling at the moon. In short, Loneliness sucks. It's a leech living off the presence or love of another. And I ask this, is loneliness being alone or is alone being lonely?

In the D/s lifestyle, the submissive is taught and genuinely feels total love, obsession and addiction to her/his Master, thus having the feeling of loneliness without the Master present becomes a very real possibility. With such an incredible bond between the Master and slave, this feeling of loneliness could be extremely painful. But as my wonderful Master has stated, a person must seek out comfort from their own heart. This is a very difficult lesson to learn as this is not a perfect world. Moments of loneliness will creep into everyone's lives, whether it is a 'vanilla person' or a person living the D/s lifestyle. But, with the correct 'tools', one can work through this feeling of loneliness, and realize that life is wonderful even if you are 'alone.' You must find the 'wonderfulness' of yourself and always remember the teachings of your Master by having him present within you 24/7. Let your Master teach you the way to be alone yet not feel lonely. For this lesson is one of the most difficult, yet one of the most profound ones that you can learn and one that the Master himself has spent a great deal of time learning, and now teaches to his slave. Relationships should be built on love, trust and honor. However, I must admit some are built on the fear of being alone and the fear of feeling this loneliness, making the relationship based not on love, trust and honor, but on dependence and that is not a healthy situation. This is where the feeling of living your life through someone else starts eating away at your soul and spirit. You will never really enjoy your life, and live your life to the fullest and find FREEDOM, if you are always living your life through someone else. The Master had to search within himself to develop the strength necessary to love himself and fill the voids within, and with his experience he will use similar tools to develop the freedom from this loneliness (void) within his slave. 'If this issue does exist,' it is possible that after learning the Master's lessons and after much 'work,' the slave will be free of this emptiness within. Unfortunately, it is also possible that the slave will remain caged, seeking to fill this loneliness (void) with the false pretense of love of another. Yes, that is a sad situation. However, if she is freed through the Master's lessons and experience, both people will be happier, stronger, somewhat more complete (remember this is only part of finding ABSOLUTE freedom) and look back on the experience with gratitude and love...making their relationship more secure and more loving. Growth is most times painful, but the outcome is so extraordinary, that soon you will see that a little pain with growth is better than a lifetime of loneliness and sorrow. The journey can be painful; I will admit that with my whole heart. And it really is a never-ending task. Daily you must look within yourself and find the love and strength necessary to live and love that day, but it is possible! And the things that you share with your Master will be much more exciting, much more open, so different because you are looking at life through 'new' eyes. The difference in your life is amazing. Since I have begun this journey, my 'old' friends are surprised and happy at the difference it has made in my attitude towards life and my feelings about myself. My journey is not completed, and it may never be, but I will continue on, because once you start, it really is INCREDIBLE! I have to thank Sir Raven DeClaw with my whole heart, on helping me, guiding me and showing me this way to freedom!