Loving Submission Through Service
Resa de Milo © 2003

Over the time I have been on my personal journey in submissiveness, I have come to learn several things about myself as well as the BDSM community. One factor of myself is that I am very much service oriented, yet I find many in our community do not understand how a submissive can be service oriented and from where they gain their pleasure. Many have joked, "if there are any service submissives about, I could use a housekeeper." And I hope in what I write here these views can be turn to a better comprehension.

First and foremost is to understand that submission in itself is a service. A gift that the one person gives to another. In this boon where one person gains control over the other, the service can be in the form or giving pleasure or allowing pleasure to be derived from use of herself. When a submissive who loves pain enjoys the lashes of her Master, he receives the gift of knowing his lashes gave her pleasure. And her happiness brings him joy and in turn is service.

Still when we talk about service orientation we are not always speaking of the gift of carnal pleasures. More often, we are speaking of one person doing some task to please another. Still sounds like the usual concept of D/s but where some do house chores or some endure things their Dominant wishes. This is where a lot of the shadows fall and many lose sight of how any pleasure can be derived in these things.

Any submissive might do house chores or run errands for her Master because he gives direct orders to do so. A service oriented submissive does these chores in the belief that she will make his life a happier and a little less stressful. This is loving submission in that a submissive gives a gift to their Master that in turn often gains appreciation and love. I personally have happily done house chores for Dominants who cared about me and who I believe appreciated the work I did. It wasn't for money, it wasn't for gifts it was simply because it made them happy and gave them some extra peace in their lives.

This kind of giving has brought more pride to my life in knowing that I can do something to make another happy and more so to prove how much I care for another not in words but in actions. The service is not the direct source of pleasure. And so I believe this causes confusion when someone who focuses on pleasures of sensation tries to grasp the world of submission by service. The pleasure is indirectly gained by way of the service yet from the reaction of the Master. The pet on the head. The kiss on the cheek. The "I love you my precious pet." These things and more are rewards from the task and these rewards are what give the submissive pleasure.

The act of enduring something undesired I believe is the greatest source of debate. And it is true that many people will see this as a form of being a doormat or suffering abuse. Again I can only look at my past and the times I have endured lashes or canings and other (from my individual perspective) undesired sensations. The reason I do not see my acts of enduring pain as abuse is because I am not forced to suffer the sensations. If I were ever to have said stop, it would stop. I have actually said stop when it became too much. Abuse is only abuse if a person - emotionally, mentally, or physically - fears saying stop. When a submissive decides if and when they will safeword, then it is a choice, not abuse.

The pleasure aspect in this again is not in the sensation felt but the pride the submissive gets in knowing she was able to take the lashes her Master wished to give her. It is something like a child helping Mommy and Daddy do some chores. The child does it willingly and happily not because the chore is pleasing but making their parents proud is. This form of giving is also very personal. Some do enjoy service on a broad scale. I believe, however, many do the service as an act of love for their specific Master. It goes to that question of how many Masters would be happy to know their masochistic sub derives their pleasure not from them giving the pain but from anyone giving the pain.

Oh, sir, she smiled, no doubt,
Whene'er I passed her; but who passed without
Much the same smile? This grew; I gave commands;
Then all smiles stopped together.

- from "My Last Duchess" by Robert Browning

And the same can be said for the service-oriented submissive. She gives in service to her Master because she derives happiness from pleasing specifically him.

The key things to remember about submission through service is that the pleasure is indirectly derived. It is not about sensations but about the act of giving be it through tasks or of oneself. It is a special sharing not between just anyone but between two people - the submissive and her Master. The love given through service in return earns love.

"By entreaties and prayers, by submissiveness, by committing oneself to regular tributes and gifts, by flattering glorifications, it is also possible to exert pressure on the forces of nature, by making them favorably inclined: love binds and is bound." - "Human, All Too Human" by Nietzsche