A BDSM relationship in which the Dom and sub exist in a perpetual
last act of a BDSM session used to transition the submissive from
the elevated states created in a scene back to normalcy. Feelings
of affection, comfort and gratitude are often exchanged during this
Age Play: Play where an adult gains pleasure from taking
on the role of a much younger person, usually a child or 'adult baby'
Animal Play: Taking on the role of a specific animal. Ponyplay
and dogplay are the most popular. This type of play often includes
obedience training, exercise training, paper-training (in dogplay),
harnessing and riding (in ponyplay).
Anal Play: Any
play involving the ass, such as fisting, butt plugs, anal sex, etc.
Gag: A device used in BDSM play to prevent a sub from
speaking or crying out. A rubber ball that is held securely
between the submissive's teeth and strapped into place.
The word BDSM is a combination of BD for Bondage Discipline, DS
for Domination and Submission, and SM for Sado Masochistic.
A group of techniques in which the sub's skin is pierced or cut and
blood is involved.
Body Modification: To have the body modified by
piercing, branding, or cutting.
Technique used to render a submissive physically helpless using ropes,
restraints, cuffs, etc.
Bottom: A person who receives pain or bondage in
an SM scene, but who may or may not have a power relationship with
the top. Also used as a verb "to bottom".
Brat: A submissive who likes to act naughty or mischievous
and will sometimes test his or her Dominant’s boundaries, patience
or limits in order to get a beating.
Breath Control: A form of edgeplay in which the top
restricts the bottom's ability to breathe, either by constricting
the neck or by blocking the mouth or nose.
Bukkake: When many men ejaculate on the face of a
Bullwhip: A very long, heavy, single strand leather whip.
plug: A sex toy similar to a dildo which is designed
for anal penetration and has a flared base.
a rod made of bamboo or plastic. Used in Victorianesque themed
play. Leaves nasty welts.
(cat): A whip consisting of nine strands of leather with weighted
or cutting ends.
CBT (Cock and Ball Torture): Intense torture of the
male genitals involving constriction and or denial of erection.
Clamps: Devices used in S&M play to pinch, cut
off blood flow, to certain areas of the body such as the nipples and
genitals. Clothespins and nipple-clamps are most common.
around the neck, signifies ownership. To say that someone is "collared"
to a Dominant means that the person wearing the collar is the property
of the Dominant.
Collaring Ceremony: The Dominant places a collar
around his or her sub’s throat as part of a formalized commitment
ceremony in which the couple exchange vows and pledge their commitment
to and love for one another.
A written agreement outlining the rights and duties of D/s partners.
BDSM contracts do not have any meaning in terms of law, but they are
often used to define the relationship.
Riding Crop used for spanking techniques.
Refers to a relationship, collaring, or sexual activity which
is online only.
A dominant who assumes a paternal, mentoring role with a submissive,
provides guidance and expresses a masculine identity. Not always gender
Discipline: Structured training or punishment given
to a submissive with the goal of providing guidance and correcting
Dom, Domme, Dominant: The person who is in charge/control
(also referred to as a Top). Female Dominants are referred to as Dommes.
Domspace: A state of altered awareness that Dominants
often achieve while scening. Domspace is an intensely pleasurable
and satisfying state for a Dominant to achieve, but is also immensely
draining, usually requiring rest afterwards.
Dungeon: A space used for BDSM activities, public
or private, and furnished with BDSM equipment.
These are particularly dangerous BDSM techniques that are looked upon
with some trepidation such as bloodsports and asphyxia.
Using electrical devices such as violet wands,TENS units, etc. for
A hormone secreted by the body when experiencing pain that creates
a feeling of euphoria. When a person is under the influence of endorphins,
usually it is said that he or she is in "subspace".
The injection of a fluid into the rectum. Often used
in medical scenes.
(Erotic Power Exchange): When two partners exchange power
in an erotic setting. Both S&M and D/s are forms of EPE.
Getting sexual pleasure from exposing oneself to others or
being watched while scening or having sex.
Femdom: Female Domination, or when a woman is the Dominant
partner. A female Dominant is referred to as a Domme or Dominatrix.
Fetish: A strong sexual interest in or obsession over some
object, body part, or activity. Examples include foot fetish and latex
fetish. Also used broadly to describe any non-traditional sex, especially
Fisting: Penetration of the vagina or anus using the fist/hand.
Flogger: A device consisting of a handle and numerous
strands in various sizes and materials.
Foot worship: Also called "foot service."
Oral service (licking, kissing, sucking) to bare feet.
Forced Feminization (Sissification): When a Dominant
"forces" a submissive man to dress and/or behave in a feminine
Golden Shower: A technique where the Dominant urinates
on the submissive. Sometimes used as a form of humiliation.
One who adopts the code and style of life as portrayed by the
GOR books of John Norman.
Also known as "mind-play, mind games, head games, head trips,
and mind-fucking." This means any kind of manipulation by
the Dominant which heightens anticipation and fear in an emotionally
masochistic bottom and thus intensifies the bottom's erotic response.
This includes everything from "verbal abuse" to complex
scenarios that confuse or surprise the bottom into deeper "sub-space."
or degradation of a submissive in some way by his or her Dominant.
Kajira: This fictional term for "slavegirl"
derives from the GOR series, and denotes women who attempt to live
by the standard set in the books.
Kink/ Kinky: Sexual activity that is somehow non-traditional
Kink-Friendly: A person or establishment that is sympathetic
and/or supportive to kinky people.
Although many hetero folks are into leather, it typically refers to
the Gay BDSM community
Hard Limits:The maximum edge of someone's negotiated
limit. In some cases, a hard limit is a personal choice; in others,
it is a necessity to safeguard the submissive's health. For example,
if the submissive is allergic to latex, any latex product would be
a "hard limit."
Masochism: The ability to derive pleasure from pain.
Master, Mistress: A Dominant Male or female. The
person in charge/control (also referred to as a Top). Mostly used
in terms of Ownership.
Mentor: A wise and trusted teacher or advisor.
Munch: A social gathering of BDSM people, usually
in a restaurant.
A form of bondage where the passive partner is wrapped from
head to toe in various materials such as rope, saran wrap, duct-tape,
The art and science of reaching a clear, consensual agreement
with your BDSM partner about the type of relationship you will
have and the kinds of kinky things you will do together.
The exclusively gay male, loosely organized network of leather clubs
(circa 1940s-1950s) which established the rituals and mores of leather
OTK (Over The Knee): A spanking given while the submissive
is bent over the Dominant's knee.
Paddle: A flat instrument used for spanking purposes - mostly
made of leather or wood - sometimes with air holes for a better effect.
Pain Slut: A person who derives pleasure from intense
Pansexual: A person, organization or community that
caters to all sexual orientations, genders, and activities.
Play-partner: Generally refers to anyone with whom
one has BDSM encounters or scenes. Implies a casual relationship.
Poly: Short for "polyamory" is the desire, practice, or acceptance of having more than one loving, intimate relationship at a time with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved.
A submissive trained to act and look like a pony.
exchange:The consensual transfer of power by the submissive
to the Dominant. The exchange takes place when the returned energy
from the Dominant empowers the submissive.
A Professional Dominatrix. Payment ("tribute") is expected
for sessions and normally there is no sexual contact involved.
Protector: A protector is one who is entrusted with
the care of another's sub/slave. A protector is also one who will
take the place of the Master/Mistress at any function the Master cannot
Punishment: Any negative stimulus that a submissive
must endure as a consequence of his or her behavior(s). This can be
physical (i.e. a caning, flogging, spanking or probing) or it can
be psychological (i.e. withdrawal of a privilege).
Pushing Limits: By consent, a submissive agrees to
let the Dominant push them to a limit and slightly beyond. Most commonly
this occurs when the submissive believes his or her limit stems from
an irrational fear they hope the Dominant will help them to overcome.
RACK: Risk-Aware Consensual Kink (RACK, also Risk-Accepted Consensual Kink) is an acronym used by some of the BDSM community to describe themselves and their philosophies. It specifies that any activity between fully-informed consenting adults is acceptable.
Devices used to impede movement for some purpose be it for pain,
humiliation, punishment or pleasure.
or R/T: Real life or real time as opposed to online.
The practice of violent or rough sexual activities in the gay community.
Sometimes practiced between heterosexual and gay men for money.
who derives his/her pleasure from inflicting emotional or physical
pain on another.
SSC (Safe, Sane and Consensual): Activities that are "safe"
(no form of pain or stimulation that causes harm), "sane"
(with respect for both body and mind), and consensual (all partners
involved are adults who are able to give informed consent). First
formulated by David Stein, for GMSMA.
Safeword: A word, phrase or sign the participants
agree on which causes a scene to stop immediately.
(Smart Ass Masochist): A bottom or submissive who knowingly misbehaves
in order to receive attention. see Topping From The Bottom.
Scat (coprophilia): Playing with
or ingesting feces. Also used as a humiliation technique.
Scene: Interaction between a Dominant and submissive
(or switch) for pleasure, discipline or both. A scene usually involves
toys, restraints, and/or dungeon equipment. Sex doesn’t have
to be present for the interaction to constitute a scene.
Slave: A person who gives total control to and becomes the
property of their Master.
Bar: A bar of any kind of material (usually wood or
metal) used to keep two body parts (ankles, wrists, thighs)
spread apart from each other.
A dildo that is worn by someone, attached to a harness,
so that it can be thrust into a partner like a penis.
(Sub): A person who gives the control to another person (Dom/me, Top)
Subdrop/Domdrop: Feelings of depression and confusion
experienced in the days following an intense scene.
Subfrenzy: An intense craving or longing to spend time with
Subspace: A trance-like state of mind and body the submissive
experiences during a scene. It is often described as a feeling of
lightness, flying, or euphoria. The feelings are often caused by endorphins
emitted during intense scenes.
The act of being suspended by wrists, ankles or other
A person who switches roles between submissive and Dominant.
A Dominant Male or female. The person in charge/control.
Topping from the
bottom: When a submissive attempts to assert dominance while
in submission to his or her Dominant. see SAM.
TPE (Total Power Exchange): The consensual transfer
of power by the submissive to the Dominant. The exchange takes place
when the returned energy from the Dominant empowers the submissive.
Toilet slave: Someone who has a fetish for serving
the Dominant's toilet habits or who has a fetish for being ordered
to clean or worship toilets. May also refer to someone who wishes
to role play as a toilet.
Toy: The physical objects used in and around the
scene, such as whips, paddles, cuffs, and floggers.
TV, TS, TG (Transvestite, Transsexual, Transgender, T-girl):
Men who live or dress up as women. A person who is a transvestite,
cross dresser, or transsexual isn't necessarily into BDSM.
Vanilla: A person with no interest in BDSM. Plain standard
sex - non BDSM sex.
Wand: An electric device usually in form of a glass
cylinder which uses the effect of high frequent electric charges
generated by a tesla device to apply intense stimulation.
sexual pleasure from watching someone else scene or have sex.
Watersports: Golden showers, urine play.
Whip: Usually made of leather with a medium sized
handle and a single strand of long braided leather strings.
WIITWD: An initialism for "What it is that we do". It is intended to include all activities that the mainstream would consider "Kinky".