Strange
Dark Connections Featured Member May 2003

Name: Strange

Age: 49

Orientation: Straight Male Dominant

Marital status: Legally separated for almost two years

Do you currently have a sub or play partner: I do not have a sub but I do have a lovely play partner

Occupation: Retired after 24 years with an electrical utility. Now self-employed in the field of web development and desk top publishing.

You are the owner and operator of several Black BDSM picture sharing groups. Can you explain the appeal of this medium?

Well, actually I am the owner of three picture trading groups. Two of them, N Color and Black Tops are BDSM related. The third group, Black Tatts, stems from another fetish I have, a love for women of Color who are tattooed or have body piercings. I am also the assistant manager of Bound Ebony Tits and NubianBDpleasures, a private exclusive community solely for serious collectors of Nubian female BDSM photos. Picture sharing appeals to me as a hobby because up until I found the internet, I had never seen Black bondage photos before, which not only saddened me, but left me feeling alienated and believing that BDSM was something only White people practiced. So in the late 80’s, when I started to see photos of Black women in bondage, I no longer felt like I was alone.

What is your all time favorite Black BDSM photo and why?

The picture below is my favorite for a few reasons. It is one of the first Black bondage photos I found on the web and I really enjoy the amateurish look of the rope bondage, cloth gag and home setting it is placed in. Most of all, I love the look of the model and her facial expression. The rope bondage and cloth gag are very similar to the ones I used at nine years old when I tied up the girl next door and left her in the pigeon coop. Even her look and facial expressions are the same.

JASMINE

 

What has been the most difficult obstacle on your road to self discovery as a Dominant and how did you overcome it?

My greatest obstacles have been fear and lack of communication. I was afraid of how others would perceive me. Since BDSM was really never talked about in the circles I ran in, I was never able to communicate with anybody about how or why it turned me on. See, it seemed it was all right to be a freak when it came to sex, but BDSM was looked upon as weird or sick. The Internet helped me overcome my obstacles by letting me know I wasn't alone. Armed with information from the internet and with the help of a therapist I outgrew my fears of what other people were thinking and I got better at communicating who I am and what my needs and desires are.

You are fairly new to the BDSM lifestyle. What advice do you have for other Dom/mes just starting out?

Learn to Listen and Listen to Learn. There is a lot more to BDSM than knowing how to tie a knot or swing a flogger. There are safety concerns that must not be overlooked. There are responsibilities the Dom must be able to fulfill in order to have a successful D/s relationship. Subs also have wants and needs, and One must learn how to receive the gift of submission.

I'm sure there is an interesting story behind your tattoo? Care to share it? When I finally became honest with myself about who and what I am and I was no longer afraid of letting others know, I got the tattoo as a sort of rite of passage. The face of the woman in the tattoo was taken from a model in Essence magazine. What qualities do you look for in a submissive? What qualities turn you off? The first qualities I want in a sub is H.O.W. (Honesty, an Open Mind, and Willingness.) She must be honest with me and herself about her needs and desires. She must be open to new ideas and willing to try new experiences. I think if she possesses these three main qualities, then the other qualities I desire will develop in time as long as I fulfill my responsibilities as a good Dom. What would turn me off the most would be a sub that disrespects me in public.

If your submissive were behaving badly in public, how would you handle the situation?

Well, I can only say how I think I would handle it, as I don’t have a sub. It would of course vary depending upon the circumstances and whether or not the sub knew the behavior was unacceptable to me. First, I would verbally state my displeasure with the behavior, followed by a command to stop it immediately. If it were something that had not been discussed previously, that discussion would take place, possibly with a light punishment and a promise of harsher punishment if the offense is repeated. If the sub directly disobeyed orders, the punishment would be swift and harsh providing the setting is appropriate. My punishment would consist of something the sub finds no pleasure in, short of breaking hard limits. Example: If we were in a fetish club setting it would take place immediately! Say she doesn’t like pubic nudity or wearing nipple clamps, well… she will then be paraded in the nude wearing nipple clamps.

What are the most important qualities a good Dom should possess? Are there any shortcomings, faults, you need to work on?

I think the same basic qualities that I look for in a sub are just as important in a Dom, H.O.W. (Honesty, an Open Mind, and Willingness.) My shortcomings stem from not being able to honestly communicate all of my wishes. I know how to do it; I just haven’t learned when I'm supposed to do it. I believe I must first earn trust, respect, and show that I am worthy before I can expect a sub’s total submission to all of my yearnings and desires. Remember I am new, so if I am wrong y’all let me know!

How has being a Person of Color affected your lifestyle as a Dominant?

It is true that I don't have much experience with attending public BDSM functions, but being Black and having Dominant tendencies and BDSM interests since childhood has affected me in many ways.

First, I never saw Blacks on those magazine covers of old days and when I was able to find BDSM magazines Blacks were missing from those too! And the Black folks I spent time with never expressed an interest in anything kinky. When bondage, golden showers, flogging and the like drifted into conversation it was referred to as that sick stuff White folks did. And I must truthfully say that I felt ashamed to speak up and say how much the idea of participating in those types of activities excited me. I felt different and ashamed, and for many years I kept my feelings secret. During that time I always suspected I could probably find a White girl who was into BDSM. I even knew exactly where to go in Hollywood to look for one, but for some reason I have never had a desire to go outside of my race and still don't. I am not putting Whites down or knocking interracial relationships, but personally I have always had a preference for women of color.

D/s relationships were always appealing to me although I didn't understand the formalities. I wanted and needed a relationship with traditional roles in place, but I would always seem to hook up with women who blindly followed the media's idea of how a Black woman should act. In all fairness, I fell for that idea too! And when I did run into the woman with a submissive nature that I now desire, I was not man/Dom enough to handle my responsibilities. I had not been informed or educated enough about myself, my nature, my true desires to realize I was being offered the gift of submission. I had been confused into thinking that she was a weak women, a parasite. After much soul-searching and help from books, the web, and groups like Dark Connections and it's members, I have been enlightened about who and what I am.

I am a Dominant and I like it and me too!

Contact Strange at: strangetoo@yahoo.com