Lady QuyitStorm
December 3rd, 1951 ~ July 6th, 2004
Dark Connections Featured Member September 2003

Name: Lady QuyitStorm

Orientation: An extremely proud submissive

Marital status: single

Do you currently have a Dom or play partner: nope

Occupation: Non Profit Professional and retired nurse.

What is the significance of your screen name Lady QuyitStorm?
The name itself was given to me by my first Dom. He felt that my voice and temperament lends itself perfectly to the name. The title "Lady" has nothing to do with the lifestyle. It merely denotes my status in the Renaissance guilds.

In 1998 Master Dark Eros and yourself set up a training school for new submissives called the Storm DeSade Academy. Can you tell us why you started the academy and what your most rewarding moment was?
In 1998, many black female submissives were just emerging onto the Internet scene. In fact, I was brand new myself. However, I came into the lifestyle with a good working knowledge of human nature and my share of common sense. Professionally, I was an organizer and trainer, so it was second nature to me to plan and lead discussion forums.

I realized that I was being observed closely when a Dominant approached me and asked if I would mentor a young sub that he was interested in. She was only 18 at the time. I wasn't sure exactly how to do about it so I began studying everything I could get my hands on. All of my experience had been real time, so it was a challenge to put together something of value for those online. The end result was an 8 week introductory course that covered everything from Ds and BDSM terms to etiquette and interviewing skills.

The most rewarding moment came when it was decided that we would no longer provide our services. I was overwhelmed by the outcry from our community that we please reconsider. In no way had I ever suspected that what we did had such an impact or even really mattered. Discovering this fact truly humbled me.

What do you personally think is the most important rule of conduct for a female submissive?
Poise. A calm, respectful and self assured presence is very attractive to most people both male and female alike.

What steps should a newbie female submissive take when searching for a potential Doms? What warning signs should they look out for?
The first thing I would suggest is to slow down and Stop Looking! It is natural to hunger for the completion that can be found within this lifestyle. However, the sharks among us can smell blood and will zero in for the kill.

Serious warning signs would be anyone who demands personal information from you. Submissives have told me of people who seek to collar them in one week or even one day. If you can't be trusted with his home number and real name, don't give him yours. Ask questions, don't assume that everyone shares your view or understanding of the lifestyle. Not everyone is seeking the same things you are. This doesn't make them any less real or true than anyone else, it only makes them different. Learn to respect those differences and move on.

You are a big fan of renaissance fairs. Can you tell us what the draw is for you and other bdsmers? are people of color common at these events?

Ahhh, the Faires! Yes, I do adore them partly because of my love for world history and the opportunity to dress up and role-play in public. Some lifestylers also enjoy "living" among the pirates and wenches, Lords and Ladies. One can also participate in the slave auctions, as well as buy all sorts of neat toys, knives, swords, costumes and period jewelry. There is nothing like enjoying a smoked turkey leg and throwing the bone over your shoulder. Belly dancers, sword dancers, human chess and jousting make for a good time to be had by all. At the Renaissance Pleasure Faire in Glen Helen, they even have a Pervs Day. The night is spent camping out at Camp Spankys. In terms of black participation, it is rather lean as can be expected. Why? I suppose it may be due to the fact that many blacks don't see this period in European history as involving us. Of course this is not true as there has always been a Black presence in Great Britain due to it's Imperial influence and traveling seamen and merchants. To be honest, it can also be a rather expensive hobby and traditionally Blacks have other type activities and events they enjoy more. Which is great because I enjoy many of them as well. However, I have met several African Americans who also can't resist an opportunity to step back into history and play dress up.

Describe your earliest experiences with bondage and tell us what you enjoy most about bondage.
My earliest experiences with bondage were rather harmless games of Cowboy's and Indians. Three male cousins tied me to a tree and ran off and left me when dinner was called. One of them, (the cutest) had mercy on my and came back to cut me loose. I adored him from that day on.

When first starting in the lifestyle I was fortunate in that I found a Black Bondage Master local to me. For nearly 3 years he trained me in the art of bondage, types and care of the ropes, different types of mediums as well as helped me to build up my flexibility and endurance. As time went on, he trained several other Black Doms in bondage using me as an instruction tool.

My enjoyment comes from the sensation of the ropes as extensions of my dominants embrace. Subspace is a given once I am bound by my One.

Do you ever practice self-bondage using timed locks or other such devices?
I have never practiced self bondage with the exception of my ankles for pictures. Because the power exchange is essential to my enjoyment, doing it myself wouldn't quite fit the bill. Esthetically pleasing rope work is also very important to my pleasure. It has to be visually attractive. Sloppy work is a huge pet peeve.

What are some of the safety issues a novice bondage enthusiast should be aware of?
Circulation, this is particularly important if you have any health issues such as diabetes, hypertension or any other circulatory ailment. Because of it's restrictive nature, it is also important to note that you may not do as well if you are claustrophobic. Some degree of stiff and sore muscles are to be expected until your tolerance builds.

There is also the chance that you may experience some surprising emotional reactions. Once while bound, gagged and blindfolded I started to cry uncontrollably. My trainer immediately cut me loose even though I didn't want to end the training session. He explained to me later that some very deep emotions can break through causing near hysteria and that has to be dealt with before it goes too far.

Good aftercare is also important to me. Not only to bring me back from my space, but to also help return circulation to the areas that have been bound. Last but no way least, know the person who is binding you. This is one area of play where your very life is placed in the hands of the person tying you. Allowing anyone to render you completely helpless is not a matter to be taken lightly.

At what point in your life did you realize you were a submissive and how did you go about finding a suitable Dominant? Has it been difficult finding black Doms?
My awareness was developed by a gentleman in real time who soon collared me. Therefore, I didn't have the frustration of trying to find a suitable Dominant, he found me. I have no doubt that my next and (hopefully) final Master will appear in much the same fashion.

Finding Black Dominants has never been a problem for me. Because my primary focus has always been towards developing friendships first, I am blessed to enjoy the company and council of several fine Black Dominants. However, my personal interest is always limited to one. Living in Southern California and holding a membership with an organization owned and operated by a Black Master (LairdeSade.com) also has it's benefits. My photographer (TheChazJaz) is a highly skilled professional and a Dominant as well.

I don't want anyone to get the impression that my entire journey has been all roses without thorns. That would be downright dishonest. There have been challenges and a few disappointments along the way as well. However, the good have outweighed the bad so I choose not to dwell on the negative.

Have you ever been Dommed by a woman? Do you prefer male Dominants?
Due to my own alpha female disposition, it is not possible for me to submit to another woman. Therefore, my personal lifestyle interactions are limited to African American male Dominants. I tend to see female submissives and Dominas as "sisters" within the lifestyle and afford both with the same amount of respect, no more, nothing less.

People sometimes confuse you for a Dominant female. Why do you suppose that is? Do you feel there is a stereotype people have created for Black females in the lifestyle?
To be honest, I find it amusing that so many people are interested in my orientation. I have been told that the confusion comes from my name, my voice, my commanding presence, my eyes, my attitude, you name it. My impression is that some people expect submissives to think less of themselves or to lisp around like mindless doormats.

I don't do fantasy photos in my profile or float about the chat rooms in my silks. I also reserve the title of "Sir" for those dominants that I know and who have earned that level of respect from me. Being submissive in no way makes me feel less or beneath those who have chosen to walk a different path. There are some among the subs and Doms who are not comfortable with that.... Oh well. The male Dominants who know me in real life don't seem to suffer from that confusion.

What is the nicest thing a Dominant has ever done for you?
Oh my, this is a very difficult question. I have been blessed in terms of being treated extremely well by the Dominants in my life. From receiving roses at work to being cooked for, hand fed, bathed, and groomed when I was ill.

If I had to pick one single act of kindness, it would have to be after my grandmother died. Mistress Anne watched the house while the family attended the services. After everyone was gone, it was SirLuv2LoveU who came to sit with me and make sure that I ate. He took me out on a boat cruise to get me away from the house, and to top it off, he moved furniture in and out and cleaned out my entire garage. It may have been the foot massage he gave me in the middle of the mall that impressed me most. For these reasons, he will always be a respected friend.

This is but one example, but in truth, there is not enough room on this page to express the many kindnesses I have been the recipient of. You know who you are and what each of you mean to me.

If you were going to scene but could only bring ONE item (besides your clothing) what would that item be? how would it be used?
Peaches and Cream body butter. It is used to soothe, moisturize and return circulation to my body following a scene. It also tastes good *wink*. Aftercare, rates very high on my list of expectations of my Dominant.

How has being a Person of Color affected your lifestyle as a submissive?
Personally, my race hasn't affected my lifestyle whatsoever. If anything it has enhanced it. As a Black submissive, I am treated like a rare and precious Jewel. That is something that I enjoy immensely.

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Contact Lady QuyitStorm at: lady_quyitstorm@yahoo.com