Lady ~Z~
Dark Connections Featured Member October 2003

Name: Lady ~Z~

Age: 48

Orientation: Dominant

Marital status: Married

Do you currently have a submissive or play partner: Yes, I have 4.

Occupation: Executive

By now we all know of the success of Black BEAT 2003. What inspired you to undertake such an overwhelming endeavor?
When contacted to assist in coordinating the organization and conference, I immediately obliged. It's difficult to speak solely for myself when speaking of Black BEAT. It began with four, yet it was three of us to succeed in bringing the organization to life, as well as a host of volunteers. I will share my individual insight where it applies.

The inspiration was in me prior to being asked. There was a tremendous desire in my heart to see more Blacks in BDSM socializing together. Having met Bgtreasure personally, and after talking to Blkrarediamond and Subtlediva, I felt very comfortable to join forces with the strongest professional women I was so pleased to have met and partnered with. Realizing the task would be great, my desire was greater. It was wonderful to realize we shared the same vision. Serious leadership was required to build Black BEAT. It would be hard work, and I held onto the dream as my focus. Our combined career and educational experiences could make it happen, and happen it did. Overwhelming? Yes. To see the dream manifest into reality, my commitment had to be solid. It took teamwork, and a hell-uv-a lot of courage to attempt, create and ultimately establish.

People of Color it seems, are much more reluctant to be associated publicly with BDSM related events. Did you find this to be an obstacle?
Although the tasks were great, there wasn't an obstacle that I or we saw that couldn't be overcome. The hurdles involved getting over the harbored sensitivities regarding public exposure. With BDSM practitioners being a sexual minority, and Blacks in BDSM a greater sexual minority publicly, it's no easy task to convince people that three strangers had their best interest at heart. For many, public association and exposure to kink organizations initially stir reluctance. We felt it was time to be an influence toward the betterment of our culture in kink. The premise of the Black BEAT organization is for education and social uplifting, and thru the advice and leadership of other's that walked the BDSM path long before us, we can minimalize fears and reservations many have to interact with like minded others. Thinking positively and acting positively, we can be safe as well as fearless.

Many POC are privacy natured, and whatever kink activities engaged in our homes renders much discretion. We considered the need to protect our careers, as well as the misunderstanding of loved ones, and family. We considered the fearful when planning the event. Those having a bad or negative past experience in kink, it can be more difficult to grasp positive associations in the lifestyle. Personal problems that penetrate deep into our private lives can require more than any conference to fix. However, educational workshops can provide insightful information to help remedy some of our woes. If POC take advantage of the educational opportunities provided to us, we will progress.

It's not required that we learn everything from POC, although it can damn sure feel more relative to you to speak with others sharing similar experiences with similar backgrounds, cultural, and interracial identity.

The biggest hurdles involved dealing with negative criticism in our budding efforts and choices. What we will continue to promote is that all are welcome, and safety. There is a code of ethics that most embrace in BDSM to respect and protect our private lives. Black BEAT offered privacy in securing a play space, and in not disclosing our location to the public. We could visually see ourselves in greater numbers. I personally hope that the testimonies of others who attended BB03 will dismiss the reservations of those who didn't join us due to negative experiences or fear. My personal plight is to encourage people to feel comfortable within themselves. Ultimately, they will feel comfortable amongst other's like themselves.

A woman known to speak my mind, I promote positivity within Black BEAT and/or the lifestyle overall. I and we will continue to produce events to enhance sexual freedom of expressions and choices in a relaxed, safe, and comfortable social setting. Only via a positive approach, can we get over hurdles that may be viewed as obstacles in our path.

What was the most rewarding moment of Black BEAT 2003, and the most challenging?
The answer to most rewarding challenge is threefold. It was meeting the attendee's and presenters that trusted our vision, seeing so many Blacks under one roof in workshops and seeing POC as the majority in a dungeon, that were the most rewarding. I was completely thrilled to tears, as were a few others. All my BDSM life I'd lived to see POC gathered together having such a wonderful time. A few most challenging moments were before, during, after Black BEAT: Devoting so much of my time and life prior to it, being so busy I was unable to attend the workshops, and recovering from extreme fatigue immediately after the conference. I had never before volunteered for so long and so hard for a cause, and it was extremely time consuming. Working damn near full time during evenings, after 8 hours workdays was exhausting. For 8 months it was like working double shifts. The reward was lovely, and if I had to do it again, I would.

You are comfortable dominating both male and femalesubmissives. Does your approach or method of discipline alter depending upon which gender you are domming? I am very selective in finding partners, and I don't alter my method of communication. In disciplinary measures, males and females are treated similarly; I do not discriminate in the 'how to's' involving discipline or punishment unless there is a medical concern. I seek strong character in my submissives regardless of gender.

I'm not publicly affectionate toward women, relationships with them are solely D/s which doesn't require it. In private kink venues, I am open. I can be more publicly affectionate with male submissives in some instances. There is a distinguishable difference in the women who are more emotionally insecure then males. Insecurity that affects a submissives conduct is cause for stronger discipline. If insecurity produces pouting or sadness, reassurance may be all that's required.

As a straight woman, why is it that you prefer to dominate bisexual women?
It may confuse many to read that I'm straight/hetero with a femsub. I'm bi Domme. There are no relationships with women in my life outside of BDSM. Currently my femsub is lesbian. Where I do enjoy bisexual women is with male submissives, I enjoy ordering their (consensual) interaction. My preference is solely toward trustworthy submissives. I can enjoy straight, gay male, bifemale or lesbian all in the same room. It is understood that we will respect each other's limits/boundaries, so no bullshit enters into play. Bisexual women aren't inclined to serve any better than lesbian women, I would never say that. A submissives service has individual attributes. Sexual orientation and service are entirely different motivations.

Do you find that female submissives generally require more effort (time, devotion, aftercare, etc) than male submissives?
Yes, femsubs often require more effort in their feeling secure. I've not had as many femsubs as I've had malesubs, so it would not be fair or accurate to state a comparison. I am pursued by far more males than females by 20 to 1. I've interacted with well over 100 males and as few as 5 females (a few in both genders that were relatively long term). My preference is to have a male, and female, and presently, I have both. We hang out together, we play together.

To note the differences in women submissives, they're much more servant oriented and I love their devotion to attention. Most have the ability to anticipate personal needs and likes. Femsubs are most comfortable with asking questions. Most women respond to commitment as an honor. Women are more inclined to work out disagreements. Their submission seems to be more attached to sensual needs, and more pouting when they don't get their way.

To note the differences in men submissives, they're much more need oriented. They often want more than they care to give which must be tempered. Their submission seems to be attached to carnal needs. They can be more emotionally balanced, yet very impractical. Men (whether submissive or Dom) don't often view or value loyalty the same as women, and display the inclination to avoid disagreement rather than discuss it. They are more unlikely to ask questions, more likely to require forgiveness, and more likely to run when they don't get their way.

Not all men or women fall into this category, however, I'm speaking via my experiences. Both genders require appropriate aftercare, as well as time devoted with them.

You describe yourself as a part-time Dominant and are adamant about having a "comfort zone" between yourself and your submissive. Please elaborate why you feel this distance is necessary? Distance must be understood, as I am responsible for several individuals in both my home and D/s families. I am a full time Dominant, and a part time BDSM practitioner. Very no nonsense oriented, I am introverted. I can be as social as I can be reclusive. Space is required for my homelife and career. My greatest comfort zone is achieved when I feel spiritual balance within all that I do. I am the head of my household, my husband is submissive. I'm in daily contact with two of my submissives. Two, I see infrequently. I adore them all. They all contribute to my general well being, in that I am free to express my natural sensual proclivity with those that desire and understand Dominance. My life includes two roles. Life as a Dominatrix/Mistress and life as a Dominant woman/wife/mother/daughter/sister/businesswoman/friend.

The two are combined with my submissives. With them I share my intimate self. I require loyalty from submissives; no games, no foul. Overall, I'm a Dominant Sistah, conservative, kinky, spiritual, and handling mine. Distance is needed to replenish my spiritual self.

Have you ever had a bad scene? what went wrong and were you able to remedy the situation?
Twice. Once, I hooded a guy that passed out while handcuffed to a pole. I was able to remedy the situation quickly, as I saw his knees buckling, uncuffed him and held him, placing him on the floor so he didn't hurt himself. Thank God for years of first aid and cpr courses. There were no medical problems noted in our negotiation, he was only 26 and in good health. The hood was just too tight for his big head! Another came to me expressing his readiness for "everything" I'd do to him. he was bewildered within minutes and I had to stop the scene entirely. Neither was anything I'd consider bad, but the only ones that met with a situation.

What is the most interesting thing a submissive has done to gain your favor?
Respect, sincerity and loyalty gains my favor, not "things." I love "things," whatever they are, however, it doesn't gain favors. All that is offered to me, or done for me is appreciated. I've received invites to travel various parts of the world, had a large sums of money wired to me, received lovely gifts, taken on a trip to see the Lion King in Canada, evenings in Jacuzzi's with bubbles, flowers, cards, toys. They share because we share in a relationship, partnership or an agreement. My submissives and I share. I don't expect anyone to give me anything that I haven't earned or deserve. I know my role, and they know or learn theirs. We have each other's backs. If they need anything, I'm there for them as well (if earned or deserved).

If things would apply, it would take a submissive to purchase a new car, pay off my bills, contribute handsomely to my daily expenses, spot two vacations a year, and pay my cell phone bill, to win my favor. Otherwise, the only chance at winning my favor is thru his/her strength of character.

Your car breaks down in the desert in the middle of nowhere. You won't be able to get a tow until the next morning. Your submissive left the toybag at home by mistake, so you decide now would be a perfect opportunity for a bit of discipline. What do you do next?
I'm sadistic, so discipline is sensually cruel. I'd make them dig a shallow hole in the sand with their bare hands. I'd get the jumper cables out the trunk and bound them. I'd rig it so that the connectors are on the ass and feet, to feel the heat more intensely. After, I'd bury their ass in sand leaving nothing out but the head. I'd then plug their ears and nose so that no small creature crawls into them. Breathing only thru their mouth, if anything happens to crawl into it, oh well, they can spit it out. I'd lay on top of their disciplinary burial ground face to face, whispering what we "would be doing" if they hadn't pissed Me off, and slappin the shit out of them if they couldn't hear to repeat what I said (while their ears are plugged). After I get my thrill, I'd have them fill the hole, and write Z's in sand covering the entire space in one inch letters. Let's hope their ass would remember to let whatever activity that led to their discipline, to remain buried. If not, next time I'll find a bird to shit in his eye.

Contact Lady ~Z~ at: ZAndAssociates@aol.com