egsacolyte
Dark Connections Featured Member July 2004

Name/screen name: egsacolyte. Someone asked what egsacolyte means. The egs means Ebony Goddess Society. Acolyte is one who is subordinate but with a religious element present.

Age: 53

Orientation: heterosexual submissive

Marital status: Long time divorced

Do you currently have a Domme: I have a couple of ladies who will give me my "fix" from time to time, but no one consistent at the moment.

Occupation: College Educator

What is the biggest misconception people have about male submissives? That male subs are somehow weak. Of course these people tend to see submission as a weakness in general. There also seems to be an expectation that a male sub should be ready to submit to any Domme who comes down the pike. And there is perhaps some basis for that, which I'll touch on later. Of course most people who have some real knowledge about the D/s dynamic know better. What type of submissive would you categorize yourself as? Interesting question. That has changed over the years. For example when I first became active at 20 years old, I was what was then called a "slut slave." That term was used to describe a male sub who was willing to let anybody beat his ass. Of course at that time, getting involved with real play partners was much like a kid in a candy store. There were these people who actually existed and actually did these things you fantasized about. I was also a lot more into receiving heavy CP. I was the proverbial whipping boy even though it was limited to paddles, straps and the cane.

It was interesting that my very first session was with a black pro Domme (actually she was as much a newbie as I was) who was looking for a houseboy. I was in graduate school and had no money. So we worked out my keeping her apartment spotless in exchange for "play."

Understand that up until this time, I had only fantasized about CP. I had no idea if I would be able to take a beating. She was serious about putting leather to butt and it turned out to be as wonderful as I imagined. And, as they say, the rest is history. LOL

Nowadays, I'm far more a service sub and I've taken pains (no pun intended) to learn service. For example, I continue to take gourmet cooking classes when my schedule permits, and I'm in the process of evaluating massage schools. I have a friend who does manicures and pedicures and she has agreed to train me in the proper way to do them.

Of course, some good OTK and the like is still greatly appreciated. :)

How does a chastity device work and Why do you enjoy wearing one?
It's funny that chastity play seems to have become a large fetish activity in the D/s community. Particularly male chastity. It seems paradoxical because the idea about men in general is that we are pretty much looking to get off as much as possible.

The devices for males were very difficult to make practical until fairly recently. Of course there was the problem of cleanliness and effectiveness. Nowadays, they come in various degrees of complexity and expense. I have found The Curve to be the most practical for me.
However there are devices that can be permanently attached, therefore completely and permanently denying the male orgasm. Needless to say that's fairly extreme "play".
Why do I enjoy wearing one? Well, I have always been one who liked to extend the time between releases. I enjoy the constant erotic tension that builds up over time. And something within me simply relishes the subspace that I attain while satisfying my Lady while I'm being denied. While the device is not really necessary, it does add another psychological intensity to the whole idea.

We noticed from your photographs that you possess a very chiseled physique. Are you a competitive bodybuilder? Does less body fat create more pain? I am not a competitive bodybuilder at least not on a serious level. I've competed in some very minor local events. I do think that having very low body causes the pain to process in a different way. Before I became serious about my work outs, though I was not what one would call fat, I did have a big butt that apparently was very beatable. Since I've gotten my bodyfat down to between 14-17%, I find that I have to limit my play to leather straps and leather paddles. But that's fine because, leather straps have always been my joy. Also riding crops work very well even though they have a different intensity. Heavy wooden paddles are out. So in effect there is not necessarily more pain, but the pain is quite different. Weight training involves a heavy release of endorphins. Does this fact allow you to raise your pain threshold during a scene? To be honest, even though my pain threshold is still pretty high, it was much higher 20 years ago. When I would attend parties with my former Mistress, there were of us guys who she called "The Three Assketeers." We were called that because we could take really long and intense beatings I'm talking 300-500 plus strokes.

You have stated in the past that your ideal Domme is "mercifully unmerciful." Explain your reasoning.
When I'm in a relationship with a woman (and I only consider women now who are interested in exploring D/s) I think that the "mercifully unmerciful" idea, for me, is necessary to codify the power exchange.
Even though in many relationships there are the mundane things that slip in, I think that there has to be regular rituals including discipline to keep things in order.
For me, when I'm in a scene, I want to be able to be pushed to the point where I'm really serious about my pleading for mercy. But I want her to continue until she's finished. With that said, I also need to know that she's someone who I'm safe with.
It's almost a given that when a woman stops too soon the sub is disappointed. I need to know that she's not stopping because I'm begging her to. Of course I believe that this can only work with two people who know each other very well.
As I write in my novella, The Ebony Goddess Society, it's not that we subs like it (the pain) it's that we like not liking it. By the way, I got that line from a very well known Domme in the San Francisco area who was at a private party here in Los Angeles.

What is the Ebony Goddess Society and why was it created?
The Ebony Goddess Society was named after a book that I've been writing over the last many years. At one time it was The Sepia Queens. My former Mistress and I felt that there were a lot of what we called umbrella organizations and we thought that those were very good things.
However we also believe that there should be organizations that cater to specific D/s subcultures.
For example, Dom male/sub women;Dom female/sub male; Gay and Lesbian D/s which have long existed as separate groups. There are groups based on the Obeah ideal of Black dominants and white slaves. And as was discussed on the board a while back concerning The Eulenspiegel Society workshop on N -play, there are groups or there can be groups based on the White Dominant/black slave idea. In fact I've often seen black male and female subs advertising their need to be good slaves to white Masters or Mistresses. I think that every subgroup should have a niche if they want.

We wanted to have a group that was specifically for Domme Black Women and sub black men. We felt that there was a need for Black folks who enjoyed that dynamic to find each other.
The group was established in 1991 and we had some very successful events. We were going to have our first big play party as a May Day party of 1992. However right before that, was the LA blow up over the Rodney King verdict.

So we wound up not having that first party until the fall which turned out to be a great success. Unfortunately, as with all volunteer organizations, if the person who is the catalyst has to slack off, the organization dies. That's what happened to EGS. We actually were a viable group until the summer of 1993. I always say that everybody wants to eat the fruit of the tree, but nobody wants to till the soil.
On the other hand several women have asked me to rekindle the group and I am seriously considering it. Time will tell.

In your opinion, are financial tributes a necessary evil or just plain evil?
Where there is a demand for something, there will always be the financial aspect. It has to be realized that even though D/s is now more "in the open," it's not new. Women have been dominating men professionally for hundreds if not thousands of years.

What is new is the idea of the professional male Dom. After all, male domination of women has been the norm since the establishment of patriarchal societies. In fact you have to marvel at the great lengths men had go to in order to keep women subjugated. It was only in the 20th century that it was no longer OK in society for a man to beat up his wife. Women were in effect the property of their husbands.

I personally don't do the pro scene. For me the whole commercial aspect of it taints the experience. D/s to me is much more sublime than a butt beating or "playing" as we often say. That's not to say that some smacking of the cheeks is not appreciated on general principles from time to time. But for me, there is a deep spiritual element to it that can only experience with someone I'm close to. Over the years I have rarely played with others besides the Domme I'm involved with. Even then, it was only at her direction. Of course there are those who will argue that a polyamorous situation is the way to go. That's fine for them. I do know that all of us,

including myself, strongly defend whatever our particular passion is. So I just say to each his/her own. I've been lucky in that I've always been in some kind of personal relationship with the women I've done D/s with. Of course in a relationship there is always financial entanglement. In fact when I'm with a woman, there is no way that she is going to have her needs and wants unmet. But the going to a session for an hour or two is not on my radar. That's not to say that there is anything wrong with it per se. It clearly works for many people.

The one fetish that I find "interesting" is the "Financial Domination" thing that has sprung up recently. I frankly have no respect for that whole mind set. However I have had conversations with a sub who I know who wants to give his money to women for what seems to be nothing in return. But then again it seems to fulfill his need.

As for the women who advertise themselves as Financial Dommes, I don't take them seriously and frankly, I don't think that most people do. Now you even have girls as young as 15 or 16 putting up websites saying send me all of your money. Most learn very quickly that this is a far more complicated lifestyle than it appears to outsiders looking in via the internet.

Describe how orgasm denial works. What is the longest you have gone being unable to release? As I said before, orgasm denial, and I really should say orgasm control, adds a long term back ground eroticism to the relationship. It seems to be especially true with male orgasm control. One of my Mistresses kept me on the edge for three months.
It's not just however the denial by itself. Unless there is a lot of teasing to the brink, it simply becomes a vow of celibacy. And hell, that's no fun. You might as well go be a Monk. But being taken to the edge and constantly denied, even when the frustration leads to tears, that's paradise. :)

In your opinion, is face slapping a punishment, a pleasure or off limits altogether?
In truth, I've had no experience with being face slapped. I have watched some serious scenes that involved heavy face slapping and I found them to be a wonderful demonstration of the power dynamic between the sub and his Domme. Is it off limits for me? I don't know. It's certainly not something that has been on my list of things to do.

What is the best way for a male sub to approach a Dom/me they are interested in online?
Certainly with respect. When approaching a woman, most men, I think, tend to go directly into their "do me" mode. My online approaches have not been with self proclaimed Dommes, but with women who read my profile and IMed me with interest. A couple of them became fairly active in exploring the D/s scene. If someone does interest me I will respectfully ask that they read my profile and if they would like to explore further to let me know.

Why is there more of a social stigma attached to *black* male submissives? How have you dealt with it? I have never really found that stigma in any great degree. I have had the occasional (mostly white and many years ago) person say something like "didn't you get enough of slavery in the 1800s?" Naturally they think they are being funny. But a certain "look" tends to get the point across to them that "we are not amused." But whatever stigma there is, I think, goes to the fact that society in general equates dominance with strength and submission with weakness. It's a foolish idea, but wisdom is not all that plentiful. After all, everyone who lives in our hierarchical society is subordinate to someone. With that said, it's absolutely unimportant to me. We either get along or we don't. I happen to have a collection of T shirts that were made for the Ebony Goddess Society.

A couple have photos of a black sub (moi) kneeling at the feet of a woman. I've often had black men in particular say how much they like the shirt and where can they purchase them. Go figure. Women will smile but rarely say anything. But that's understandable. Women in general tend to be far more cautious about such things and rightly so.

This is the Middle Ages and you decide to set up a school for wayward submissives. What would your shingle say?
The Middle Ages? Hmmmmm. Well, I would probably have a shingle that proclaimed my establishment as the " Order of Blistered Bottoms"

Our school song would be a paraphrase of Naughty by Nature.

Ya down with OBB?
Hey, you know me.

Contact egsacolyte at SEVERIN2@aol.com