Elaine
Dark Connections Featured Member February 2005

Name/screen name: Elaine

Age: 47

Orientation: Pushy bottom

Marital status: Single and happy!

Do you currently have a play partner: I have a few selected play partners

Occupation: Medical collector

One of the first things people notice about you is your striking stack of silver collars that are reminiscent of the beautiful Ndebele Neck Rings. Tell us about them.
In having the greatest admiration for the Ndebele and Maasai tribes of South Africa, and the Karen tribe of Burma. They tend to be proud beautiful women with shaved heads, that adorn the bangles or idzila collars. The Burma tribe called Karen (Puntanag) tribe also wears them. I thought it was the most beautifully exotic symbolism of pride, beauty, and richness and dare to be different. When I finally discovered the collars at a vendor's booth in Atlanta, GA . I was in awe! They were from upstate NY. We developed a quasi- business deal, that I would be a poster girl for the Collars. A friend of mine, eventually bought the company and moved it to San Diego. Our site is: www.eternitycollars.com

You've got the sexiest bald head in the West. Was there some event in your life that made you suddenly decide to cut it all off? Two factors: Primarily, it was liberating. And it was such a spiritual thing for me. It symbolized my lifestyle, and that its okay to be different. Long hair is beautiful, but my comfort zone is shaved and hairlessness. When a Top/Master/Sir rubs my head, there's an immediate sense of submissiveness and conquest. Its amazing. And when one's entire body is hairless, it combines the feeling of innocence; purity, and strength. However, I am not into the ideal role of "submission". I have no shame in being who or what I want to be. It is "I" that define what " I" think is beautiful, not other's opinion. But I have received more dates, offers, and job opportunities with no hair than I ever did with hair. Tell us all about L'il Elaine, your 5-year old inner-child. Lil Elaine is a spoiled, mischievous and demanding child that loves fun, laughter and ice cream. She is my inner child. She can have tantrums when she can't get things that she wants or have her way. I love Daddies's and or Mommies, be it male or female. I love the precociousness and innocence of children. I like often being childlike, which is a big difference than be childish.

I think the role of Daddy/ies are nurturers, protectors and reassuring. In my own personal spiritual search, and coming to terms with many things in my life, including sexuality; I read the book "Father Hunger". Its excellent as it discusses if a female child never gets the validation from the father figure in her life, there will always be an inner search within herself in the males that she selects as partners to validate and fulfill that void; and or boost to the part of self which was never validated. On the same rate, if she gets too much attention and validation, it can be just as toxic.

Did you get validation from the father figure in your life? More than what I needed. I've been told that my dad ruined me and my relationships with men as I have certain expectations that only a doting father could follow through with. I was (am) an extremely spoiled child, and that carried over into my adult life. My dad was my hero. When one realizes that one is not "special", and the world doesn't revolve around you, that can be a crushing blow. And part of my recovery process was coming to terms with that. How traumatic! (LMAO). And many of my past relationships were primarily centered around power exchanges of finance, statue, materialism and pampering. I've learned humility in this lifestyle. Humility in a lifestyle which flaunts attitude, creates balance.

You march to the beat of a different drum (meaning a black woman into BDSM... or more specifically, a blue-eyed, bald, black woman, who wears mouse ears, who is into BDSM ). What challenges have you faced because of your unique philosophy?
Philosophically, none. I am what I am, and that enables me not to concern myself with what others think or may not think about me. I've always believed in a higher powers, and in a great southern tradition in upbringing. That maybe the reserve that we draw from when we are in challenging situations.

But over the past years, I have had my share of battles. They weren't mine per se, but were community battles. Then personal drama gets dragged in (that's an understatement). My fights and battles have been about People of color and our involvement in the greater community's recognition, or lack of. Which created tumultuous infighting and enemies for me. This was the same status quo bullshit that we've always encountered in our vanilla world, in the work place, in our day to day community settings. When we vocalize our disagreements, we have set the precedent for being viewed as "troublemaker", disagreeable or jaded, because we dare say "This is unacceptable". Today, our presence is recognizable, sought after and respected in the BDSM/Leather communities. We are here!

Your web site states that your desire for a greater presence of People of Color in the SM/Leather community has shown you the side of betrayal, tokenism and pseudo assimilation in the black BDSM community. Isn't tokenism already prevalent in the overwhelmingly white BDSM community ? I think tokenism is not about an individual solely being in an environment that he or she is the lesser denominator, but it's how one reacts in that environment. Tokenism is about the person, not the environment. We can use the lone voice and do what's right, or we can be the lone voice that never stands up and has an opinion about anything because its politically correct to " get along" or to pretend there is no problem. But the lone dissenting voice can carefully pick their fights as we all should do and wage one helluva battle. Battles are never easy. I witnessed the betrayal that comes when we side with injustices, bad choices and decisions to look good and save face.

You've been sober for close to two decades. Was this decision made by choice or necessity and do you believe there is too much drug and alcohol usage/abuse in the bdsm community?
Both. I had to choose to get clean and recover or die. I was a hell raiser! Partied hard and fast! Until our lives become unmanageable. I have 17 years of sobriety. I took control over my sobriety and recovery by spending thousands of dollars in therapeutic processes and dealing with childhood pains. I had a great support unit. And mainly I decided to completely remove anything that reminded me of people, places and things from my drug/alcohol induced environments out of my life. Recovery means "new meaning, new life, and new information". When we decide to get rid of old information and replace it with new healthy information, our lives change. How we live changes. Our friends will change, as we make new selections. Sobriety was one of the hardest challenges in my life to do, and its been well worth it. Regarding the communities usage of drugs, alcohol, etc. Drugs will and can destroy any community. I am not around any drug users, and limit my environments when alcohol is used around me. The folk in my sobriety process 17 years ago was a hardcore gay SM NA/AA Sobriety group, that is still around today. And they kept it real!

Volunteerism is a big part of your life. Why is it so important to you?
Because we must give back unselfishly what was given to us. My sobriety, my spirituality, and the people in my life are my rewards for choosing to change my life and how I lived. And sobriety teaches us, we must give it away to be able to keep it. Volunteering means be willing to carry those, who no longer can carry themselves. It was volunteers that made this possible. N/A and AA are not paid staff. I found safety in havens and environments that volunteer service made possible. My spirituality teaches me I have a civic duty, and a personal responsibility to make sure some of this is around for others. Regardless of what we do, strive to make a difference in someone's life. It has been that philosophy that the elders pass on, and we must continue to carry it.

Do your tattoos bear any special significance? They have no meaning other than what is a part of my personality which defines my uniqueness. The barcode means nothing to me, but others perceive it as "big brother "Orwellian". Some view it as "in your face" to oppression and repression in eras and times that we had to be marked, tattooed (Jewish Concentration camps). Others that maybe a little savvy towards our lifestyle maybe believe its a slave register number. The tattoo and barcode is that of a Marlboro pack of cigarettes. The guy that does my tattoos, took it off of his package. Aren't most leatherwomen gay? As a heterosexual, what is it about the leather lifestyle that attracts you so much? That is not quite true. Leather is a state of attitude, sexual freedoms, expressions and a ritualistic protocol subscribed to. It is that aspect which attracts me, as it defines rebel; attitude, protocol and folk that dared to be different in their sexual expressions. The BDSM/kink/fetish communities have been defined by many categories depending on where one's persuasions and discoveries are.

I was brought into the Leather community by Gay men and dykes. My orientation of Sm and Leather are proxy of the gay communities. My persuasion maybe hetero, but in leathersex, it's fluid. Leathersex has been defined as gay men and women due to ritual, tradition and protocol practices. Whereas BDSM'ers and Lifestylers usually are defined as the het communities. I love the look, smell and the feel of leather. I like what it exudes! I like the biker look! The born to raise hell and don't give a damn! I like it because its an honored tradition that creates family, bonding, and hedonistic pleasures. Its kinky, its nasty and its extension of who we are and coming to terms with it.

Do you plan on competing for any leather titles in the future?
No, I won't compete in leather titles. I will offer total support, as I have done and will continue to do. But I am deathly afraid of public speaking. I am little shy and reserved, believe it or not.

Armpits...Hmm... What is it about armpits that turn you on?
The musk. Its so primal and raw. Its the musk of men's armpit that I find exciting and hot! Animalistic.

You are off-roading (which we know you love to do) and you take a wrong turn and get lost in the forest. You run out of gas and are subsequently forced to spend the night in the wilderness with your favorite Dom. Nearby there is a stream, lots of rocks, trees and a bunny rabbit. What type of scene would ensue?
A complete exhibition of hard ass fucking, screams of biting breasts and tweaking nipple play, topped off with a pee scene for the delight of my wildlife friends. And my Top, ending the scene with licking my hairless labia and clit. For closure on a kinky night, maybe listening to my favorite station.

 

Contact Elaine at emcmulle@pacbell.net