Dark Connections Featured Member

Name: DeLano

Age: 43

Orientation: Rope Bondage Bottom/Enthusiast/Guide/Fascilitator

Marital status: Married but in transition.

Do you currently have a sub or play partner: I have an equal partner.

Occupation: Graphic Designer (Desktop Publishing/Design) by necessity, Writer and bondage educator by choice.

You have a very uncommon name. Is there a particular story behind the name DeLano?
When I decided to start my original Website, DeLano In Distress, I wanted to have a scene name that wouldn't create a learning curve for me. I didn't want to have a situation where someone called me by a name and I stared at them going "duh...who?", so I picked my middle name, DeLano, which I've occasionally gone by in the past. I added the capital "L" because I liked the way it added to its already uncommon nature. If you're going by one name, you might as well make it as simple but memorable as possible, right?

Also, my first Website was created in the vein of the campy damsel in distress images I saw in movies, television, comic books and other popular culture media. I thought that going by "DeLano In Distress" was an excellent way of paying homage to legends such as Bettie Page and Simone Devon.

You are a self-described "bondage enthusiast" who can both Top and bottom, yet you don't call yourself a submissive or a switch. Can you explain why?

My foremost orientation in the scene is as a rope bottom. When I first got into this, I very quickly realized, as did everyone around me, that there wasn't a submissive bone in my body. I'm courteous, very much a gentleman, but I don't feel the need or desire to defer to someone just because they're a domme or a top. It's not in my nature. "No" is definitely in my vocabulary! I am often in the company of dominant women and people make assumptions about me based on that. I've had to disabuse more than a few folks of the notion that I was available to them as a submissive. There are a lot of wonderful submissives in the scene; I'm just not one of them.

I had never tied anyone until a few years ago at Leather Retreat. Essentially, someone cornered me into it but it turned out to be a wonderful scene that both of us enjoyed immensely. But that didn't make me want to run out and become "Grand Master D" (as my leather family teases me). I didn't pick up rope again to tie anyone until a couple of years ago, after I'd started playing with my partner, Michele. She's a top but I tie when she wants to bottom in rope. I don't top her so much as guide her into rope bottoming space. I guess this technically makes me a switch but I don't feel it. I've co-topped with Michele but I see myself more as a service top in those instances.

In many of your bondage pictorials, your facial expressions seem very serene. Is this for artistic effect, or do you experience something akin to subspace during a scene?

Good rope is calming to me and often puts me into a meditative state, even during a photo shoot. I discovered that when I began playing with true rope enthusiasts several years ago. I began slipping in and out of an altered mental state but didn't quite understand what was happening. Through talks with a few of the women who have since become my rope tops, I found the word "headspace". It's something that comes naturally for me for some reason and I've had some amazing flights into that realm. My journey into headspace is often reflected in my face as serenity and I often feel as though I'm communing with the Divine or touching a deep spirituality through rope play.

There are people who study meditation or take drugs to attain that kind of experience; I do it with bondage.

Are there any other "kinky" aspects to your life? Do sex and half-hitches mix?
Plenty! And, sex mixes with just about any kind of hitch you can think of (and straps and saran wrap and more). By my nature, though, I'm more adept at the spiritual side of bondage but the sexual side is something that I'm having a great deal of fun exploring in my private life with my partner. She and I have jumped right down the rabbit hole together. My public play is strictly non-sexual. I'm not that kind of exhibitionist... Still, there is a lot of joy to be found in the sensuality and sexuality of bondage. I'm enjoying learning how to balance those two sides of my rope nature.

Judging from your website, delanobound.com, we can assume you are completely open about being a bondage enthusiast. Is this public knowledge among your friends and family?

My good friends in the scene, obviously, know and are supportive of the site. The friends I've told, and who aren't in the scene, have all been all very supportive as well, even if they don't truly understand why I do what I do. A couple of them have even seen me do public scenes with Midori and a few more would love to see me perform live. Some of them can appreciate the beauty of imagery on my site and appreciate all the athleticism it takes to attain and hold some of the positions I do. But unless they have some art or activity that they're truly passionate about, it's difficult for them to understand the psychological/spiritual/emotional aspects of bondage. But they accept me and love me anyway.

However, my family really doesn't know -- with the exception of my younger sister, who came across my old site by accident a while ago but kept the discovery secret until recently. She respected the perceived desire for privacy despite the fact that it was a public site. That put a chink in my belief that my siblings would be judgmental about my rope life, which was the main reason I haven't talked to them about it up till now. That's going to change in the future, though. Not all at once but at least now I can see a window of opportunity to address some of this with them.

My parents are a different story entirely, though. Only time will tell if I'll ever be able discuss this with them.

Do you think the new harsher obscenity laws will affect your website or the Internet in general?

The new 2257 requirements shouldn't affect DeLano Bound. I don't have any nudity or sex on it. It's a serious exploration of artistic, emotional, physical and spiritual elements of my life, not about my sexuality. It's possible that the way the Communications Decency Act (CDA) is currently written, someone from a community that doesn’t share my community’s sensibilities could prosecute me. However, this is less likely because I don't present it as a sex site.

A friend of ours, Barbara Nitke, supported by the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF), is currently in litigation with former Attorney General Ashcroft over the vague community standards elements of the CDA and that case will be heard by the Supreme Court. Michele is an expert witness in the case. If the High Court finds this part of the CDA to be unconstitutional, then those of us who want to present work and be judged by the communities in which we live, not by communities who don't share our ideas of what "obscene" is, will be able to continue our work without having to live in fear.

In general, the harsher regulations have a lot of producers scrambling to comply. I've gotten several requests for ID and such over the past couple of weeks. We'll see what happens when and if prosecutions start.

It's hard to look around the country these days and see this as the land of the free.

Certain forms of rope bondage feature extremely intricate knots, and rope work various colors and designs. How important are the aesthetics of rope bondage to you?
The aesthetics are very important but not to the detriment of the connection in the scene or the shoot. If someone's really caught up in the intricacies of the knot work then there's a pretty good chance that they'll miss the meat of the scene. The majority of the bondage work I've found most beautiful, that which has been done on me and that which I've seen on others, doesn't involve intricate knots at all. It's the combination of simple ties that give it beauty. I've seen, and done, some sloppy rope work that's led to some amazing scenes. I've seen intricate work that's left a scene flat.

Aesthetics in bondage to me also includes the beauty of the interactions between the players as well as the beauty of the tie. Being involved in a scene with someone who's as present emotionally and spiritually as well as physically as I am goes a long way towards creating an intense and wonderful scene or shoot. I've called off shoots when the top and I weren't on the same page. I've also soldiered on through awkward shoots because I felt that the connection we'd eventually make would be beautiful and show up on film.

What's the best rope to use in a bondage scene and where can one purchase it?

It all comes down to personal preference. I love hemp rope because it's a natural fiber, it holds a knot or a twist exceptionally well and it's extremely strong. Hemp has an intense summer hay aroma that adds another level of enjoyment to my bondage experience and it leaves great rope marks! I love getting rope marks; they’re an all-too-fleeting badge of honor. There are several companies that sell hemp in all kinds of diameters but the most used diameter is 6mm. 6mm works for floor work and suspensions. A lot of people use 8mm for suspension work, too. With hemp there can be a lot of maintenance and prep work involved if you buy it untreated. I've bought both and I find that orking hemp has become a loving ritual that connects me to the rope and the intent behind what the rope is used for. It's all part of the experience.

Before I discovered hemp rope, I got tied up with nylon and poly-blend rope. It's soft and comes in a lot of colors but it's slippery and doesn't hold a knot very well. It stretches, too, so if you use it for suspension, you have to watch out for that.

Something to consider regarding length of rope is that shorter is often better. I don't own anything longer than about 35 or 40 feet long. That's a good length for most harnesses and suspension. Shorter lengths are great for binding limbs and doing hogties. Decide what you're going to do and pick the proper length of rope and you'll have a better scene than starting off with a rope that's too long or too short for your purposes. Trial and error is the only way to learn this, though.

You've described "S&M" as being an initialism for "Stand and Model". Do you feel people in this lifestyle spend too much time posturing and not enough playing?

Oh. That. Well, I used that phrase when I was feeling like the New York fetish party scene wasn't fulfilling for me any more. The fetish party scene isn't the same thing as the lifestyle scene. The party scene, which is just about all that exists in New York these days, happens in bars and nightclubs. Performing or trying to play in these places, which by their very natures are designed to deflect true connection, became very difficult for me. I noticed a lot of people just standing around looking fabulous but not doing much of anything. I began to feel that the club scene took a lot from me and gave back too little. That realization was instrumental in starting me down the path of becoming an educator in the scene.

Can you recall a specific instance when your interest in bondage may have first started to blossom?

Oh, I used to draw comic book style when I was younger -- starting when I was in elementary school and continuing right up to college -- and I drew lots of damsels in bondage, not truly understanding until much, much later in life that I wanted to be in the place of the girl. I never drew any guys in bondage because I guess I was psychologically blocking myself off from what was very deep inside me. Still, I used to mummify myself in my bed sheets a lot, so I guess I didn't block it out too well... An interesting note, though: I remember finding an order form with drawings of leather bondage gear in the bottom of a drawer at a relative's house when I was a kid. I couldn't believe how cool everything looked and I was inexplicably drawn to the gear. After looking at it a couple of times, I carefully put it back where I found it but it was gone the next time I went looking for it. So, I guess there's someone a generation up in my family who's into all this, too. Not that anyone would ever admit it, mind you.

I never personally explored my bondage desires until I was in my 30s and decided to jump into the fetish modeling industry. I got a late start but I think I've made up for lost time.

Have you ever needed to stop a bondage scene?

Yes. Twice. The first time was at a party where I was getting suspended. I wasn't fully recovered from the flu and I started getting dizzy. The second time was a scene at Paddles, in which I was getting suspended with another bottom. She had a vasal vagal reaction and vomited and passed out, just as we were being lifted. My top and some friends who were watching had to cut the ropes -- the only time that's ever happened to me in a scene. But better to cut the rope than to risk injury or worse. My co-bottom was okay after a bit of recovery time but it was a dear lesson about the hazards of bondage play for us all to learn.

What are the main safety concerns when performing bondage and suspension?

Let me be very clear about this: what we do is dangerous! If you're interested in bondage but have never done it, either as a top or as a bottom, find experienced players and learn from them, either one-on-one, in classes at events or in workshops. Don't try this at home, kids, unless you've been trained. There are way too many safety concerns for me to go into here. Here’s the short form: don't cut off circulation or breathing; be careful not to compress nerves; don't impede the diaphragm and don't leave a bottom unattended for any reason. And if you haven't been trained in suspension, DON'T ATTEMPT IT! I assist Midori in teaching bondage and suspension in her two-day intensive workshop, Bondage Dojo as the junior instructor. Anyone interested in immersing themselves in bondage should seriously consider attending. It’s an incredible learning experience.

Before a novice bondage enthusiast ties their first knot, what do they need to know? Are there any books you recommend for beginners?

What I said above, about attending classes, is the best way for novices to get started. Bottoms should attend classes, too. It's just as much a bottom's responsibility to ensure his or her safety as it is the top's -- maybe more so. Midori's book, The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage is probably one of the best books out there for bondage enthusiasts. There are a few others on the market that address some of the basics but interestingly enough, I don't own any of them!

You are a contestant on a new BDSM game show which boasts a one million dollar payoff for the couple who can create the most beautiful suspension scene using only the items they can scrounge from their environment. You and your favorite Top are dropped off on a dairy farm. You only have a few hours to complete your scene. How would you create the winning scene?

Interesting that this happens on a dairy farm. I'm in the process of planning a shoot very much like this in Maine... But it's all about light and rope and what that does to a body in suspension. We'd wait until just before sunset, rig a body harness from the rope that always seems to be available on a farm, put my arms into a reverse prayer (yes I can still do that at 43 years old) and hoist me up outside either a barn or a silo on an improvised boom that will give me the ability to dangle away from the structure and into the colorful rays of sunset. One leg tied ankle to thigh and one leg dangling down, inverted so that I appear to be an angel swooping down from heaven. That's at least four points of difficulty right there. And if it didn't win, we would have had a ball figuring it all out and making it come to life....

DeLano's recomended links:

National Coalition for Sexual Freedom: www.ncsfreedom.org

Michele Serchuk's photography: www.photodiva.com (as well as on my own site)

For great dyed and prepped hemp rope: www.twistedmonk.com

For unprepped, undyed hemp and synthetic rope: www.rainbowrope.com

Midori's Rope Dojo: Washington DC Dojo July 9 – 10
Register at www.the-crucible.com/Midori'sRopeDojo.htm

Los Angeles Dojo September 10 - 11
Register at www.acteva.com/booking.cfm?bevaid=8335
Sovereign House, my leather family: www.leatherfamilyonline.com